Oppi Fokken Koppi 2010: Brought To You By LOADED Smoothies

Let me kick this off by saying Oppikoppi is like no other festival I have ever been to. It’s like no festival you have been to. We Capetonians have no idea. This is not some green festival with a flowery sounding name, wrapped in rainbows and bathed in a cool damn. It’s in the middle of nowhere, dusty, dry, thorny and hard. Fucking hard.

Full story after the jump.
Disclaimer: nothing I write here can do justice to how awesome Oppikoppi was.

Oppikoppi is a festival for people who live for festivals. People who live for music. This is no hipster event that people go to because other people do or because The Dirty Skirts are headlining and they’re cool because they get played on the radio. Everyone there is there because they are passionate about the event. They are there for the party and the bands. All else is forsaken. Comfort, food and skin are sacrificed, willingly. And the inevitable answer to any question will always be ‘because this is Oppikoppi’.

Why am I bleeding? Why did I wake up under a car two kilometres from my tent with a broken knee and no specs? Why did I fall in a fire and have to be pulled out before my hair burst into flames? Why am I blowing blood out of my nose? Why am I sunburnt? Why am I dying of hypothermia? Why am I taking my third gram of shrooms at 11am on a Friday morning? Why am I drinking tequila and Red Bull for breakfast?

Because this is Oppi. Fokken. Koppi!

Stormin and I decided that 2011 will be the ‘Year Of The Festival’ after Ramfest blew our minds. We wanted to know what else was out there. So when Oppi came up we knew we had to do it, a bit of a test run for 2011 if you will. Sponsors were organised, LOADED Smoothies being the main one and the reason we got up there. Keg King and El Jimador got on board as well as Red Bull. One day before we were set to leave everything was finalised. The Presenter flew down to join our road trip and so it began.

Picture the scene from ‘Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas’ where Hunter and The Attorney are driving to Vegas. Car packed to the brim with drugs and contraband, driving through a dusty barren landscape, on the way to an adventure of a life time. Now replace them with us and their boot load of drugs with a boot load of alcohol and supplies. Two kegs, twelve bottles of tequila, six bottles of whiskey, five cases of Red Bull and two cases of LOADED Smoothies to be precise.

That was us, two Capetonian Oppi virgins and a seasoned veteran on our way up the N1 toward something we could never have imagined.

We arrived at Oppi just after sunset and proceeded to get completely lost. We were trying to find the Joburg/Pretoria convoy that was organised by the legendary yet very quiet @Stevieza. It was sixty people strong and consisted of over twenty cars. Eventually, thanks to a dude in a sailor hat, we found the site. After half an hour of dealing with some pricks we set up exactly where they had reserved spots for their mates who were only arriving on Saturday…two days later.

I finally met @donmulto, after missing him due to excessive alcohol abuse at Ramfest, @johnstoked (Bangers and Nash new mascot), @coreenbunnyp, @melki_128, 2wordsoflizdom and @awe_and_some. Now this may sound like a massive tweet fest, and it pretty much was, but in a very, very cool way. We got our drink on pretty quickly and within the first thirty minutes we’d klapped our first bottle of El Jimador (between four of us) via a rapid fire series of tequila Red Bull shots.

Needless to say we got hammered on Thursday. Oppi hadn’t opened yet so we were treated to Jack Parow, a lot of him, blaring out of every single car. I have never experienced anything like that, the level of play time that man received over the four days was incredible!

Friday morning kicked off with a few tequila Red Bulls and we cracked the first keg. Keg King have their shit sorted and with, literally, a handful of ice in their magical dispensing unit we had ice cold Castle draught flowing like the Amazon. Alcohol had a positive effect on our lives from early on in the morning and we spent the majority of the day on the top of the Koppi, in the hot sun out of our minds, making memories and laughing at all the people still at work. Easily one of the best afternoons I’ve ever had.

At some stage the Posse abandoned me, possibly after I disappeared for a naughty air mattress test session, and I was left wondering through the masses, alone. At one stage I was walking and some dude kind of said hello to me but I thought he was talking to his mate behind me. I carried on walking, and about ten minutes later when I arrived backstage I turned to find the dude right behind me…about ten centimetres from my face.

‘What are you doing dude’ I questioned. ‘Following you’. ‘Why’ I asked again. ‘Because you look like you know where you are going’.

He then proceeded to follow me back to my camp and drink with me for some time before we decided to go back to the stage. About five metres from my camp I turned around to find him talking to our neighbours. I asked him if he was still coming. He replied with ‘who are you?’ I subsequently found out he had taken enough shrooms to kill a hippie.

The next few hours are a bit of a blur but my next awesome memory was watching Taxi Violence. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, these boys are probably the tightest act in SA right now. It in no way compared to their Ramfest show – complete with crazy dude and angle grinder in terms of entertainment, but my lordy lord those guys know how to put on a performance. They blow me away every time and if you haven’t seen them live get on it.

Once The Presenter had finished MCing we checked into the Kreef Hotel. I cannot with any certainty tell you what happened next. I think we went up the kopi for a bit, or back to the main stage. I knew I should have carried a Dictaphone around with me!

Saturday morning came quickly and with it a much needed hot shower and a breakfast of orange juice, coffee, eggs, bacon, sausage, onion, Crucial, Milk Thistle and Flu Caps. If there was ever a reason to stay in Kreef the breakfast is it. Well, that and the hot showers, comfortable mattresses and all round awesome vibe. Camping in Mordor was fun for the first night but the Presenter and I were more than happy to stick the rest of Oppi out in the Kreef.

Saturday was a big Red Bull and Tequila day and by the time Corne and Twakkie came on the Posse was well into the swing of things. Those two kill me. Their act is ridiculous, outrageous and incredibly funny. They destroyed a ginger ‘I’ll fuck the ginger out of you guy!’ and some ‘fat boy’ who they pulled up onto stage and broke eggs over before forcing him to down a disgusting drink. They also aligned our Love Chakras which involved a lot of fondling of strangers ‘poepholes’.

The rest of the day was spent at our leisure. Lounging on the only patch of greenish grass we could find, sheltering from the scorching sun and drinking. This was interrupted by an incredible set by Wrestlerish. The boys have never disappointed me, and by the looks on the faces in the crowd everyone else felt the same. Make sure you catch them at & UNION on the 20^th.

New Holland played in the late evening and once again put on a great show. I always forget how much radio play the dudes receive till I see them play. The guys are tight and I’d recommend checking them out next time they play in your town.

Haezer was the next act I remember watching. It very well may have been my best set of Oppi. The man is mind blowing. His stage presence is huge, easily one of the best I’ve seen. His set was amazing and varied a lot, always getting the crowd going. To say the DJs that followed were a massive anticlimax is an understatement. Once he finished up we bounced between the top bar and the Red Bull before my legs gave in and I headed back to my tent.

Sunday hit me hard. I tried to drink but to no effect. My body was done, I could do no more to it and the realisation made me bleak. I’d be sober for the final and biggest day at Oppikoppi, and I don’t like being sober. Zebra & Giraffe, Die Heuwels, Van Coke, Billy Talent, Jack Parow and The Wedding DJs to name a few were set to rock the hell out us dust dwellers.

Zebra & Giraffe were great, Die Heuwels despite all the negative shit they have had thrown at them this week were great to watch. Yes Pierre may have been fucked but it happens. Of course I would have liked more from them but I’m not going to knock them. I passed out at some stage before Billy and only caught the beginning of his show before hitting the sack. I woke up for Jack Parow, because I hadn’t heard enough of him for the past three days. He did his thing and it seems he’s either getting fitter, or he’s doing voice training, I think the latter is more likely, because he doesn’t seem to battle as much with long sets anymore.

Monday came and the daunting thought of the drive straight back to Cape Town was suffocating. Especially because we couldn’t get the car out of the campsite. We were blocked in by 18 000 people and about three million beer bottles. We eventually got out after 12pm and began our drive.

Stormin and I, with the help of LOADED smoothies, a case of Red Bull and some heavy dubstep made it back to Cape Town by 5am. He dropped me off, went home, showered and went to work. I, luckily, managed to get an hour sleep in before I got down to work, thankfully from the safety of The Deck.

All in all it was the most amazing festival. It was like nothing I could have ever expected and by the time it was done I was broken. Yet one day later I needed to go back. The people, the vibe, the music, the dust, I fell in love with it all. Real people, good music and lots and lots of Afrikaans. I was even thinking in Afrikaans by the end of the weekend.

One thing is for sure, I’ll be back next year. Hopefully with a bigger convoy and more booze.

Nash…
Out!

For ALL the pics check out the Facebook gallery (more will be added later).