Sharks vs. Bulls

Look, I’ll be honest, I haven’t watched much of the Currie Cup this year. Partly due to the hot and cold performance of my preferred side, Western Province, but mostly because I have been too busy doing other, more interesting things.

After the plethora of international rugby we experienced after our world cup win, I must say, the average beginning of the Currie Cup caused a serious lack of attention on my part. Now that we have reached the final, it’s a completely different story.

This years Currie Cup final is set to be an absolute cracker. If I were a betting man, my money would be placed firmly on the Sharks. Though, the Bulls are a solid side and on the day anything could happen. You never know.

Below are a few interesting facts about tomorrows game, courtesy of Rugby 365.

- Fourteen Blue Bulls players (out of their 22-man match day squad) have previous Currie Cup Final experience, whilst just four Sharks players have been in a Currie Cup Final.

- The Bulls have played 29 finals before now, with the Sharks set to make their 10th appearance in a Currie Cup Final. The Bulls have won 22 out of those 29 finals, with the Sharks winning four out of 10.

- Blue Bulls have won the Currie Cup in 1968, 1978, 1988 and in 1998. Can they repeat it in 2008?

- The game will feature 24 Springboks - 25 internationals if legendary French flyhalf Frederic Michalak is factored into the equation - and 15 of those are World Cup winners.

- The Sharks feature an all-international backline - six Springboks and Michalak. Five of the eight Sharks forwards are Boks and they have another four Boks on the bench, including World Cup-winning captain John Smit.

- The Bulls have eight Springboks in their match day 22 - seven in the starting XV and one-time Bok captain Chiliboy Ralepelle on the bench. 

I know a couple of you reading this are Sharks supporters. We (you and I) have had our fair share of arguments over our teams, so I thought I would drop this little bomb on you.

- Western Province might not have qualified for the 2008 Currie Cup play-offs, but they still boast the most titles since the tournament's inception in 1889. WP have won 32 titles (four shared), followed by the Bulls (22 – four shared), the Lions (nine – one shared), the Sharks (four), Free State (four – one shared), Griquas (three) and Border (two – both shared). 

Sure we didn’t make it this year, but it’s going to take you DECADES to catch up with us. Just thought I'd let you know, you know, in case you didn't.

Now, I am sure you have big plans for the final. You will most likely get a bit carried away if your side wins, and if they lose you’ll probably drown your sorrows. Either way, tomorrow will be big. Things will happen, crazy shit will go down. And you will be there, with your camera, taking pictures, capturing the moment, then sending the pics to me.

Why?

Because the best picture from this weekend will have a lovely bottle of vodka delivered to their doorstep, for free china.

Obviously the theme is The Currie Cup final, and I think it goes without saying that pictures containing hot chicks or naked hot chicks have a better chance of winning. Though, extremely drunk people amuse me no end. Video footage will be accepted.

Send your pics to This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it

Good luck!

Go the Sharks!

(click banner to buy your own rugby team)

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Huh?

I am sorry if this makes no sense to you, but to the few that it does it is truly a mind fuck.

At the WSOP (World Series Of Poker) main event for 2008, earlier this month, Quad Aces were crushed by a Royal Flush (a hand that NONE of the guys I play poker with have EVER seen).

The chances of this happening (Aces and Royal Flush) in the same hand are 1 in 2.7 billion. You basically have more chance of sleeping with the entire team of Victoria’s Secret models. You have to watch it.

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who will we be watching?

Roland Garros starts in just six sleeps sleeps. As you know, tennis is often a beautiful sport to watch, especially the woman’s tennis. The tiny, tight kits they wear, the moans and squeals of effort and of course the legs. We (you and I) have our favourites, we will discuss them just now. In the mean time let’s have a look at the top ten ranked angels.
Before we do, there has been a bit of a shuffle of positions due to the No. 1 Justine Henins surprise retirement. Obviously everyone moves up one position, putting one of our favourites at the top.

Ok so I left out the new No. 10, she is not that good looking and we won’t be paying too much attention to her. That may have sounded a bit harsh, but lets be honest with each other darling, we lead very busy lives and we needn’t waste our time on anything but the best. Ok who will we be watching then?

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will someone please explain them to me?

It won’t come as a surprise to you that I am no fan of the current SA Wank Squad, especially if you have read this. Before you get all worked up, I do support them and I love cricket. It’s the actual players I have a problem with. Not all, just a few.
Mostly the younger boys or the “new school”. The old school fucken rocked, Jonty, Donald, Adrian, even Pollock. These new guys are right dicks. I didn’t just wake up this morning and arrive at this decision. If I can help it (which isn’t too often), I reserve judgment on people until I have an actual experience with them, sexual or not. I have had a few experiences, none of them sexual, with a few of the SA players.
Once upon a time, long ago, I was a barman at great pub that happened to be on a bend, in Constantia. The culprits, Boucher, Smith, de Villiers and the rest of their little posse, frequented the spot quite often. I’m not going to get into all the stories from the waitresses, waiters and my fellow barmen. We spent time serving them, we even spent time out with them. The bottom line is, these guys are cocks. This is not only my opinion.
Look, to be fair, I also saw how much shit they have to put up with. Lot’s of drunken fools telling them how to play, or what to do, etc, etc. Shame. Moving on.
Besides the above accounts, a few of the Bangers and Nash Posse members have had some dealings with these guys. Some intimate (and apparently pathetic…ahem), and some not intimate at all. Same conclusion as above.
I’ve had numerous requests to put something up about these guys, and a headline I read today prompted me to finally do it. Though, there isn’t much to say really. You can’t describe why someone you meet or deal with is an absolute colon cowboy, you just know. I can try tell the stories but let’s be honest, it won’t really get the point across. What I can do is leave you with two points.
Firstly, I heard today that SA Cricket will be unleashing the fury of Gunther, Andre Nels alter ego, on the English.
Take your time and read that again. Andre Nel has an alter ego, named Gunther.

WHAT.
THE.
FUCK.

Gunther is the name of the fucking waiter in Friends, NOT the name of an alter ego meant to wreak havoc and strike fear into the hearts of opponents. What’s worse, every news network is cumming all over themselves, trying to broadcast and print this story everywhere they can. It’s embarrassing, leave it alone.

Secondly, our squad is lead by someone, who goes by the name of Biff. Now anyone (in South Africa) who is currently alive, knows that “biff” is another name for cum – something that is fired out of a penis, and onto a woman or women, during the male orgasm.
Our brothers and sisters around the world refer to a horrible, hanging, loose vagina with excess skin as a “biff”. Biff Tannen is also the name of the idiot in Back to The Future. An absolute moron is commonly known as a “biff”. In the US, a “biff” is also a guy with an extremely large ego, who cruises around, equipped with a popped collar, letting everyone know he is the shit.

Anyway you look at it, Biff (who apparently chose to be known by this name?) could also be known as Male Semen, Hanging Vagina or Dick Head.
I’ll let you make up your mind when you eventually run into these boys. But keep your eyes open as they tend to use the back entrances of the establishments they visit and wear caps to hide their faces - it’s what all the “celebrities” are doing.
Biff? Gunther?
Come now.

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