Lifestyle magazines provide us with two things. Sex tips you already know, and confirmation that absolutely everything is killing you. Eat this and reduce your risk of eyeball cancer by 10%. Drink this and you are five times more likely to develop dementia. Read this page and lose three minutes of your life. Everything does something, and everything is quantified. Once I followed all of the advice in a magazine I picked up in a waiting room and worked out that I had a -153% chance of developing ovarian cysts. To be honest though, it all gets a bit confusing, especially when you consider that right now you are dying. One word at a time. Once you make peace with that, life is much better. If you haven’t, watch this, a comprehensive list of everything that is killing you, from A to Z, summed up in a lovely rhyme. You could even sing it to your kids.