Nash Update: My Back And The Science Behind It Made Easy

Kids, you may have seen a few loose tweets coming out of me over the last few days, and if you’ve seen me out you probably thought I was a bit of a grumpy bastard. I thought I had better explain myself. You see, I’m currently heavily medicated and in the most pain I have ever been in in my entire life – due to a recent lower back injury. Each step that I have taken, for the past two months, has been utter agony. Drinking and low end pain killers did the trick until yesterday. I’m not sure what happened, but things got a lot worse, and eventually, in a blur of tears, I called the doctors.

Some other poor buggers scan.

(more)

With all the tests done and dusted – I did the final MRI this morning, it’s clear that I have two slipped disks in the lower part of my back. Basically, there is protective fluid, in a sack sort of thing, between each vertebra.To explain what this is, and how it’s affecting me, for those that don’t know, I’ll be using images you can all relate to.

Girls, it’s like this. The my back is made up of a lot of macaroons, all pilled on top of each other. Two of my macaroons, toward the bottom, have been squashed, and now their delicious insides are oozing out and ruining my life.

Dudes, it’s like this. The the two giant boobs are my vertebra. The beer can is my disk. The boobs are squashing together, forcing the beer (the fluid in my disk) out and into the mouth of the waiting girl (the nerves around my spine). My nerves may look like they’re having a good time, lapping up the spewing disk fluid, but that’s probably just the pain killers taking effect. She’s actually hating it. Violently.

Two of my disks have torn and the gell stuff inside has burst out and is pushing on the nerve around my spine. That is, essentially, a ‘slipped disk’. The nerve is then telling my brain that I am stuffed and my brain, as incredible as it is, is making the mistake of screwing with the nerves running down the length of my right leg – resulting in 2 to 3 hours of sleep a night, and agony I would not wish on the cast of Jersey Shore.

Fortunately I now know exactly what it is and more importantly, I have a Halloween bag full of prescription pain killers, sleeping tablets, and the like. A ‘holiday in a box’ I have been told. Still, we’re on code red lockdown here. It’s all events and fun off for the next week, during which I need to decide if I want to be operated on.

So that’s it. I’ve had a lot of questions over Twitter – I had no idea you guys actually cared, so I thought I’d just clear it up. It’s all good, or will be shortly. There shall be as little complaining as possible, though I suspect you can expect a shortish temper.

Feel free to send me care packages consisting of asian masseuses, german beer, italian sausage, or a 3D TV set-up with an Xbox.

Nash…
Out.