An Appalling Night At Simon’s Restaurant

The Attorney is down for a bit of a holiday so last night we hit Simon’s for their lamb chops on mash, a bottle or two of white and some live jazz – something that has become something of a custom. Except this time there were no chops, the staff didn’t want us there and the food was disgusting.

It seems the general consensus on Simon’s is that it is terrible, something I hadn’t experienced until last night. Perhaps I had just been lucky every other time? Hard to believe.

Full story after the jump.

The Attorney and I arrived just before 8pm, a little late for a dinner perhaps but the band hadn’t even had their halftime break and the restaurant was relatively full. The hostess was pleasant enough as she seated us in the dark. There was absolutely no lighting in the garden, there were lanterns everywhere but none of them were lit. How the elderly people around us read the menu or ate their food is beyond me.

Our waiter arrived with a grunt and took our drinks order then just hung around, there was a moment of silence before he grunted ‘Can you order your food now because the kitchen is closing early’. At 8pm? A bit surprised but not phased, as we knew exactly what we wanted, we both ordered the lamb. ‘No lamb’ barked our server without so much as a hint of a recommendation or explanation. He went to get our ice for the wine while we searched for an alternative.

Surely the hostess should have informed us that the kitchen was closing and that they were out of lamb on our arrival? Anyway, we made our decisions just as our ice arrived in a water jug with no spoon or means of getting it out. I looked around at all the empty ice buckets, tables and bar. Surely there was some other vessel that could contain our ice? Grumpy  took our order, Sirloin with mushroom sauce and the linefish.

Our dead animals arrived overcooked, dry and cold. One lacking the mushroom sauce the other lacking any flavour whatsoever. The veggie variety consisted of three small pieces of butternut and a whole lot of beetroot. Now maybe it’s just me, because I hate beetroot, but did we get the bottom of the pot selection? Both the sirloin and the linefish tasted as if they had been cooked last Thursday, frozen, and then reheated in a microwave.

As we, and a few other patrons ate the staff began cleaning up around us, this was before 9pm. They cleared tables, lanterns and the cushions off the chairs – EVEN off the empty chairs at tables people were sitting at. All of this took a few minutes, something that they could have easily done once we had all left. I understand waiters want to go home on a Sunday, I’ve done my time waiting for people to finish up, but there are other things to prep and sort before the end of a shift than the cushions from under your patrons.

The Attorney finished before me and her plate was cleared before I was done, a big no-no in my books. Our dude finally brought us a glass of ice after he saw me with my hand stuck in the jug, and I handed him my plate. We requested the bill as we had no intention of staying any longer. He brought it to the table and returned two minutes later. I hadn’t even looked at it yet as we still had half a bottle of wine left and were enjoying the jazz. I asked him for a few more minutes and he replied with ‘You can still pay now then drink your wine.’ Can you believe that! I would have loved to have seen the look on my face. Needless to say we payed and left with the remainder of our wine.

I can honestly say I will not be returning to Simon’s again, which is such a pity. I really enjoyed my other Sunday experiences there and couldn’t fault them on anything, but it’s hard to believe that last night was a once off ‘bad night’. I didn’t see management anywhere, the staff were rude and pushy, the food was disgusting, and feeling unwelcome as you sit down is unacceptable.

What was your Simon’s experience like? Did I get it on a bad night?

Nash…
Out.