is as confusing as it is bizarre.

Morning darling, I trust you had a splendid weekend. Judging by the taste in my mouth, unquenchable thirst, bruises and carpet burn, I had a rather good go at alcohol, the weekend, and a few hard surfaces. Something I think would happen often if I was ever a part of the following story.

It’s quite confusing, so keep up. The story involves three people, as well as their three online characters, in the game Second Life. Second Life is basically an online super version of the SIMS. It’s an online “world” that even has its own currency that holds an actual value.

You sign up, download the software, create your character, load up your account with cash and start your new online life. The game mirrors life where possible, you have to buy everything, and can sell things. Brands have even begun to buy advertising space. People are seriously getting involved in this. Some a little too much.

That was a long intro, but I needed you to at least have a clue as to what I am talking about. Now that you do, get ready, cause this shit is CRAZY!

Second Life Casanova David Pollard, whose marriage ended when his wife caught him having online sex with another woman, is now engaged to the chick he was caught with, online, in real life. You still with me? Ok I’ll explain it with pictures, it’s far more interesting that way.

David Pollard in real life.                        David’s character – Dave Barmy

Hmmm, that’s an interesting vibe Dave is going for. Now this is his new goose, Linda Brinkley:

Linda in real life.                             Linda’s character – Modesty McDonnell

Another interesting character. Obviously quite comfortable with her tits.

So these two were caught having sex in SL, which means that, in real life, Dave and Linda were sitting a million miles apart watching a couple of pixels rubbing together on their computer screens.

They met when Linda’s character started working in Dave’s characters nightclub. They were caught by Dave’s now ex-wife, Amy. Let’s check out here profile.

Amy in real life.                                            Amy’s character – Laura Skye

Though Dave isn’t a looker himself, I can see his problem. I would probably sleep with my mouse if I was married to that. Without trying to sound like too much of a bastard I’m going to say that Amy has a good mixture of the ginger gene, a bit of albino perhaps, a large dose of fatness and a load of testosterone. I would also put money on her having a very smelly vagina.

Anyway, Dave and his new chick Linda are now happily married in the game and engaged in real life. They have NEVER met in real life.

Amy is also happy, which makes me happy. She has met another man and is currently living with him. Their story is a romantic one. She met him whilst playing War Craft.

That my friend is fucked up. It seems like a lot of effort to construct another life for yourself online, just to get your end off. What ever happened to a harmless wank in the shower, or checking out free tours on those teen cheerleader porn sites? Walking into Adult World and actually buying a DVD is probably easier than getting laid in Second Life.

Not that I’ve ever done that. I’ve tried. I just ended up walking around the store for ages, concentrating so hard on looking relaxed I stumbled into the gay section and didn’t even notice until I bumped into the Anal Destroyer DVD set.

Jesus that was embarrassing.

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