We haven’t checked out any zombie survival stuff in a while. It’s not that I’ve slacked off, that’s the first thing that’ll get you killed when those fuckers attack, I’ve just been focusing on a few other things. I’ve always got my eyes open though, for something to help us fight those bastards. Here’s my latest find, and let me tell you, it’s absolutely phenomenal.
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Just yesterday I handed out another helpful tip for surviving the zombie apocalypse, and seeing as I’m a generous guy and I want you all to survive when the walking dead attack, I have another vital piece of equipment for you – the GIBBS AMPHIBIANS ‘Phibia’. It’s basically a bakkie and a boat. And zombies can’t swim. Though I still have a theory that islands are not safe because, theoretically, zombies could walk along the ocean floor till the reached land…but we can get into that another time. For now, let’s check out the Phibia.
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I’ve given you a few tips before, on surviving the zombie apocalypse, and today I have another. It seems, in most of the zombie related series or movies, that getting around is always an issue. You need a trusty vehicle. Some of the greatest escape plans have been foiled by a burst tyre, and to be honest, how fucken lame is that. A burst tyre. A lot of this is due to the fact that the people drive like morons, way too fast, then they lose controle and BOOM! their entire group, besides the ex cop and the hot chick, get eaten. This should solve that problem – a Humvee with airless tyres.
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I want to speak to you about something very serious today. Our governments plan for a zombie attack, or lack thereof (I’m not wearing a tinfoil helmet while writing this). It may not ever happen, and realistically speaking, as much as I hate to admit this, it’s probably never going to happen. Zombies are a result of our imagination. They’re not real. They’ll never attack. But what if they did? I’m pretty sure government the world over has procedures in place in the case of an alien invasion. Of course they wouldn’t admit to them. So do you think they have plans for a zombie apocalypse? You know, just in case.
Is There An Apocalyptic Safe-House in Table Mountain?
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We haven’t chatted apocalyptic survival for a while now, with good reason. I’m not going to just throw up tools, weapons or techniques that could get you or your token love interest killed. When the zombies come there isn’t going to be any time to stuff around with subpar weapons and plans, that’s how people get their faces eaten off whilst trying to escape a breached hideout. This week I have something that lives up to my standards – The Fortress.
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When it comes to planning for the imminent zombie apocalypse I take my shit seriously. It’ll be the unprepared that get eaten first. The unprepared and the ignorant. Zombies are real. When your 6-year-old daughter runs at you with a mouth full of your neighbours small intestine best you be ready to decapitate the little monster, there’s no time for denial. And what better way to lop off your daughters head than with a machete. Or a machete slingshot!
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